Joke thread...

NO POLITICS
NO BAD JOKES
Too crude and it'll get filed under B
;-)
vic

Re: Joke thread...

Post by vic » Fri Apr 12, 2013 9:39 pm

Well Hello Honky Tonk

Vic
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Wirralman
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Re: Joke thread...

Post by Wirralman » Sat Apr 13, 2013 11:30 am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkHYApbbdL0" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rb4aRv16R-E" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
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Derrick
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Re: Joke thread...

Post by Derrick » Wed Apr 17, 2013 8:38 pm

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and
gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment
and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles
gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says
very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen
very, very closely:

Are - my - test - results - back?"
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deadgrass
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Re: Joke thread...

Post by deadgrass » Thu Apr 18, 2013 5:22 pm

while walking through town i came across an asian gentleman stood on his doorstep shaking a carpet,he had a really miserable face so i thought id help ,i stuck my head over the gate and said whats up mate cant yer get it started.
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Rammelbak

Re: Joke thread...

Post by Rammelbak » Tue May 28, 2013 7:08 pm

I heard that they found about 200 dead crows near Halifax, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief.
However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impact.
The Province then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kill.
The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order.
When crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out Crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
His conclusion was that the look-out crow could say "Cah", but he could not say "Truck."
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ellrider
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Re: Joke thread...

Post by ellrider » Tue May 28, 2013 7:11 pm

Rammelbak wrote:I heard that they found about 200 dead crows near Halifax, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief.
However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impact.
The Province then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kill.
The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order.
When crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out Crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
His conclusion was that the look-out crow could say "Cah", but he could not say "Truck."
:lol: very good.
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Be who you are and say what you feel because those that
matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter!

vic

Re: Joke thread...

Post by vic » Sun Jun 02, 2013 10:00 pm

Hi All

Made a curry for dinner, and the kids all threw up after i told them i had put ginger in it, i didnt realise they were that fond of the cat....

Vic
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vic

Re: Joke thread...

Post by vic » Thu Jul 18, 2013 9:24 am

Amazing, only 5 out of 3 people understand fractions

Vic
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vic

Re: Joke thread...

Post by vic » Wed Sep 25, 2013 9:21 pm

Just had a medical and the Doctor said "Don't eat anything fatty" I said "like bacon and burgers?" "no fatty don't eat anything.

Vic
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Bunker
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Re: Joke thread...

Post by Bunker » Wed Oct 02, 2013 10:25 pm

Tommy cooper at his best...

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
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