Joke thread...

[Wirralman]

LEXOPHILIA
WHO ON EARTH DREAMS THESE UP?



Velcro - what a rip off!


How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it!

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

Cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
•
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.


I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because
she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

[Sloppy Link]

1 in 10 people understand binary.

[geoffbarnett]

A Buddhist monk walks up to a hotdog vendor and says make me one with everything.

[Bonnielad]

Tonight I'm going to have a go at defrosting the fridge - or foreplay as she calls it.

[Tommo]

Covid 19 if your making a mask out of an old bra make sure it’s the left cup you don’t want to go out looking a right tit

[Tommo]

According to tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag .so every morning I slap her on the arse and say two sugars fatty

[ian]

She was only a welders daughter, but she had acetylene tits.